Tag Archives: Anxiety

Avoidance

Avoidance

Creating my own annoyance
Sitting, thinking of all those things I want to do
Exhausting my mind
Feelings of tiredness, lethargy
Giving myself no empathy
Maybe today isn’t the day to act out the play
The stage will still be there tomorrow
What if I forget my lines?
What if I lose my script?
What if the stage fright doesn’t leave tonight?
Then tomorrow will be the same fight
Hopefully tomorrow I will have a new mask
Then these questions
I will not need to ask
Get through today
Forget about the act
Tomorrow can be another rehearsal

The Need to Provide

I am the squirrel named Scruffy
That’s what they call me anyway
I live on Amity mountain
There are many of us that live here
It’s a beautiful scene as you can imagine
But the beautiful scenery doesn’t take away my misery

I feel the strain of providing for my family
The kittens have arrived
My role now is to provide
I go out and garner
Although
I don’t feel like it today
Or in fact any other day

The beady eyes look down on me from the skies above
I’m looking for seeds, fruits and nuts
They are looking for me
I am paranoid
I am scared
Its autumn you see
I need to forage ready for winter

There are others out doing the same
We all compete for the grain
I’m never thanked for my endless tasks
After all I’m a rodent
But better than a rat
My kittens look at me with pride and joy
Seeking guidance into the wild
For a chance to survive
At this point I should be proud
If only my mind would allow it
Instead of the grey looming cloud
I will survive the wild
My strength will see me through
Otherwise
What else is there to do?

Some Might Say it’s a Cure

The ideal prescription
For people with depression, anxiety and PTSD
‘DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE’
The government announced
Unless it’s for essential work, food shop, exercise, or medical and nothing more

Life has just become easier for me
Not having to see anybody
No worry or panic how life outside will be
No fighting with yourself to get out of bed
Struggling with the darkness of what’s in your head

The thought of Corona virus is very scary
But when you constantly battle with this that and the other
It becomes a familiarity

The only thing I miss
Is not seeing
My friends and family

I awake knowing
I don’t have to pass over my front door

But I’m not sure this is the cure
What happens when lockdown is no more?

The cycle begins again
Instead of the anxiety of just going out
There’s the dread of catching this highly contagious disease
More pressure on the mental health teams

It’s a temporary rest
The next stage will be the biggest test yet

The Usual

No makeup

No bra

Not going out

Not getting dressed

 

Reading a book

Watching some TV drama or a film

 

Avoiding the essays

Leaving it until the very last day

 

Writing poems

From what ever pops into my head

Spending my days

Lying in bed

Feeling the dread

 

What can I say?

Corona virus has a massive impact

But that’s not why my days are like that

It’s not why I do all this

It’s the hidden illness

Another Full Moon

Another full moon
Is it me being a loon?
This time I’m not drinking
Nothing to help drown out this over thinking
My head and heart are pounding
Only feeling safe in the familiar surroundings
I want to be able to go out without the panic
The thought of the cinema or meeting a friend
Makes me feel manic
I know the cycle will repeat
Unless
I can keeping stepping out on the street
One step at a time
I don’t want to be left behind

My Best Friend

My best friend’s parents
Are not the usual conventional couple
Lee calls them both Mum

I have a mum and a dad
Other children make my friend feel sad
The other children don’t understand
That parents can be two mums, or two dads
Their parents tell their children
‘It isn’t right, how on earth did they conceive?’
This isn’t what my best friend’s family want to hear
Why are people so nieve?

My parents aren’t like the rest
They accept them for who they are
And that is two people in love, just like mine are
There’s no divide

Our parents go out together and wine and dine
They come home full of laughter, full of joy
On occasions, theres been sly comments
About the two ladies that hold hands and kiss
Treated like Prometheus
This is the generation that were told of the birds and the bees and Adam and Eve
So that’s what they believe
What comes out the branches comes flooding through the trees
Sex education of the 21st century is what they need
Not telling their children ‘it isn’t right, those gays’
Children are wiser, but when their parents plant their seed the new generation find it hard to see that parents can be of the same gender.
These people are confused.
They intrude on other people’s personal life
They are the ones that are deluded
For Lee’s family should be included
They are just like everyone else
All they do is cause trouble and strife
Polluting their children with their lies

Because I am a girl and my best friend is a boy
Girlfriend and boyfriend, that’s all they say
Mocking and teasing us, every day
If you are not her boyfriend, you must be gay?
Gay like your mother, that what they say
He doesn’t let it bother him, unlike me
So, I first thought

Then came the call from his mum
‘You’ll never guess what Lee has gone and done?
We are at the hospital
Don’t worry, he is ok
He’s been cutting his arm with what I think is a knife
The blood was everywhere
He’d cut far too deep
But don’t worry he is safe and fast asleep’
I started to weep
My best friend’s misery has cut to deep
Why couldn’t he talk to me?
Every morning when we walk up the street

Today

Today is not a happy day

I have lots of anger I cannot display

Instead I sit

Head full of mist

Tears roll down my cheek

Why cant I just scream, shout and cry?

My hearts racing

My anxiety is increased

The pains are creeping back in

What is my sin?

I love, I care, I share and listen

Writing is my therapy

Instead of being stuck in my head

I reach for the paper and my favourite pen

I write it all out

All those rhymes that form from the mist

Soon I will publish it

My heart takes on the role of a tortoise

My head feels slightly lighter

My body starts to relax

I shall write, read and draw some more

Today might not end up that bad after all