Tag Archives: Alcohol

Time to Change the Rhyme

My life is like a rhyme
It’s repetitive and compulsive

One line begins and the chapter ends
Repeat, Repeat, Repeat
This rhyme sticks
I’m just with a different kind of prick

Line after line
I’m playing the same rhyme
But in another time

The only comfort in this is the wine
Different glass
Different colour
But I can always rely
On the rhyme

Crime of this time
Not taken seriously
Not now and not before my time

Living in misery and fear
Living with
The liar
The jailer
The headworker
The sexual controller

I like to think he’s sincere
It’s just me
I’ve got the fear
It’s me
I’m hard work
I’m useless
I’m destroying us
I have a drink problem
But the problem isn’t me or the drink
The problem is the rhyme

I need to get out of this loop
But it would seem I’m still continuing
To jump through the hoop

When in my head
I don’t know what’s true

Alarm bells ringing
Paranoia singing
Stick with the instinct
This must be intrinsic

Not much has changed in time
But
We DO NOT need to abide
To his cruelty and torture
I’m going to change my future
Starting with a fresh rhyme

Distance makes the Heart Follow

Both there, but not there
She goes off into her usual stare
This night he decides he doesn’t care
From that night
These two just haven’t been right
What’s with that?
What’s the facts?
For she doesn’t know, and he won’t say
They’ve both given up the drink and weed
Is that something he needs to succeed?
They’ve only ever known each other from the other side of the glass
Yes, things have changed
Will they get through the exchange?
They are unarranged
No order, no lust
She thinks he only wants the thrust
Has their love expired?
Does he find her attractive, sexy or hot?
Or is it she’s thinking too much about that?
Will he ever open up and share his feelings?
Or does he continue to keep her reeling?
It leaves her with uncertainty
Nothing to believe in
It’s the most horrid of feelings

He talks the words that are expected
He sits quietly
She knows he’s projecting
She sits in her usual daze
She has felt happier days

Their lockdown time maybe their biggest, scariest time yet
But her lockdown started long ago

She has released herself from the sorrow
For his heart is hollow

Another Full Moon

Another full moon
Is it me being a loon?
This time I’m not drinking
Nothing to help drown out this over thinking
My head and heart are pounding
Only feeling safe in the familiar surroundings
I want to be able to go out without the panic
The thought of the cinema or meeting a friend
Makes me feel manic
I know the cycle will repeat
Unless
I can keeping stepping out on the street
One step at a time
I don’t want to be left behind

Dear Jono #poetry #poem

You brought me nothing but sorrow

The day the police arrested you

Was the day I thought I was finally free!

But I did not foresee the nightmares and flashbacks that you left with me

Eight years later and I’m still not free

Even though you may have gone

You are an unwanted quest

In my mind that still can’t rest

I don’t feel anger or shame

But I must admit you are to blame

Actually NO

That’s lame

It’s just that life will never be the same

Nightmare! #poetry #poem

My life was once a mess

I realised this was a test

One day I awoke

This is a serious joke!

Something must be done

I was done with this one

At last I knew I deserved better

This wasn’t how it’s meant to be!

I was treated like shite

Why would this be right?

I was low in confidence

My head is going to blow

I craved alcohol and coke

This was my way

It wasn’t the way

but it did help me on my way

The nightmares of abuse are so intrusive

The day after makes me feel illusive

Years on I found and loved myself

This was when of course I found this man

Who took me as I am

No pretend

I am most definitely on the mend

I’m not quite there

But in time

With this man of mine

Sometimes I am sad

But bear in mind

The life I once had

This man is so kind

It’s hard when I see my life in rewind

It’s hard to see his faith in me

but we both agree it’s meant to be

Time and therapy are a great healer

Another Full Moon #poetry #poem

Another full moon
Is it me being a loon?
This time I’m not drinking
Nothing to help drown out this over thinking
My head and heart are pounding
Only feeling safe in the familiar surroundings
I want to be able to go out without the panic
The thought of the cinema or meeting a friend
Makes me feel manic
I know the cycle will repeat
Unless
I can keeping stepping out on the street
One step at a time
I don’t want to be left behind

Battle of the Booze #poetry #poem

10 days since my last drink
9 days since I thought I was dying

I went to the pub and ordered a wine
My body did not feel fine
Meduim white, with a splash

Usually its a large red
The wine on the table made me feel sick

Heart racing, thinking why am I drinking?
I read my book
Prescription for the heart, body and soul

Another sip I take, another poem I read
There’s no reason to panic, there’s no need
I continue to drink and read

I feel more relaxed
I don’t feel like I’m going to collapse

Then comes the next day
And repeat of
I think I’m going to die

The Come Down Is… #poetry #poem

Sitting in Stratford
Thinking what is happening
My body aches
With the come down from the alcohol

The come down is … I’m never drinking again
The nightmares are … frightening, from the past, I’m to scared to sleep
The hatred of oneself is … I’m not good enough
The palpitations are … constant and corrosive
The paranoia is … I cant see anyone, nor do I want too.
The panic attacks are … an intense tingling from my toes to my vagina, then to my chest, with feelings of regret
The fear is … the worst thing possible is going to happen
The insecurities are … he deserves better
The emotion is … Misery, I don’t want to die, it makes me want to cry, the alcohol is not a high

My mind is over thinking, all because of drinking.
Dark with despair
Self pity , self worth