I’m not sure how I am meant to be feeling
The pains in my chest keep increasing
My heart keeps missing beats
What’s this now? I feel as though I’m not breathing
The ambulance noise is all I want to be hearing
The waiting room is chronic
The memories of Mum being here, reappear
They neglected her, whilst she was admitted here
The doctors, the nurses, ignored the facts
Is my illness real?
Is it anxiety I feel?
The chronicle of my mum’s death
I haven’t had the time to mourn
I was fighting for a post mortem
The funeral arrangements I had to make
Ringing here, ringing there, looking for the answer
Finally, a meeting with the doctor, he blames the cancer
We know this wasn’t right, I continue the fight
The pain spreads from my chest to my ribs
All I want is to be in my mum’s crib
Four hours, four days, four weeks later and still waiting
‘It’s not your heart dear love’ the doctor said
Take these antibiotics and let us have back the bed
He’s far too busy to know exactly what’s wrong with me
A call from the coroner’s secretary
They say a post mortem is necessary
I knew it wasn’t the cancer
Investigation is under way, no answer given will bring back my mum
But if the way the patients are treated, changes, it may help someone
A life could be saved
The palpitations return, my breathing is shallow, my chest is pounding
I lie on the settee, trying not to panic, I need a grounding
Tacky cardiac runs through my mind
I think I need to go to the hospital, because I think I’m going to die
My dad puts his arms around me, and I break down and cry
Cup of tea, two sugars, no milk, ‘I will make you a drink’
My dad tells me I’ve done too much, ‘Calm down, there’s no rush’
In the next breath he tells me there’s forms to be done, but no rush
He’s struggling, I know he is, I’m the only daughter that’s helped
The next week I take a rest, but still suffering with pains in my chest
I visit the doctor, she listens and cares and doing all the necessary checks
Is it illness or anxiety that is causing this?
Still waiting for the coroner’s investigation to be completed
I don’t think I can cope with the answers, but I will not be defeated
I am strong, determined and passionate, just like my mum
Daisy Green 